Letter of Complaint

11 Pichman St.
Holon
December 10, 2009

Mrs. Gilat Simon

The Principal Office

Kugel high school

1 Mota-Gur St.

Holon

Dear Madam,
.

Annually, 11th graders from all across the country are given the opportunity to be a part of the expedition to Poland. This journey is highly significant to Israelis and Jews. I am writing this letter because I would like to complain about the excessively high price of this journey, which prevents the majority of students from taking part in this meaningful journey.

.
The journey to Poland is already a custom, carried by 11th graders from all across the nation. Many students wish to follow this custom, but unfortunately, their financial status prevents this desire from materializing. It is not acceptable that only wealthy students get the chance to go through this distinctive journey, and those who do not, will go on hearing more stories rather than seeing the places of horror.

.
Moreover, this journey is the best way to educate the Israeli youth about the Holocaust and the sore history of the Jewish nation. Throughout the journey, students visit extermination camps and get to see with their own eyes the imponderable dimensions of horror, that took place about 60 years ago. It is unbearable that only students, who have a fine financial status, will get the opportunity to explore history in a such unique manner.

.
To conclude, I believe that it is our government's duty to show initiative and finance this life-shaping journey so that every teenager in Israel will have the capability to be a part of the expedition going to Poland. I hope you will invest your entire endeavors to lower the price and make this journey approachable for every 11th grader in your school.

Sincerely yours,
Hila Guetta

Excellent work!

100

Daphna

A Summer's Reading

George Stoyonowich, the protagonist of the story "Summer's Reading", is a 20 year old young man. George lives in a poor and darkly(gr.) little neighborhood in New-York city. He is not very well educated, and as the story evolves, he has to confront some difficulties and dilemmas due to his lack of education.

George is a bony young man. He is indolent, immature and a very introverted person. Having become a drop-out at the age of 16, George cannot find a decent job, and therefore people pay little respect to him. The environment in which George grows up in(מיותר) makes it difficult for him to blossom. Neither his father nor his older sister has(gr.) ever paid much attention to him, and it certainly bothers him.

.
As I have already mentioned, George does not feel that the people around him pay him respect, except one person, his neighbor, Mr. Cattanzara. After meeting Mr. Cattanzara in the street, George lies to him, telling him that he plans to read 100 books that summer. Ever since George has lied to Mr. Cattanzara, he does his best not to encounter Mr. Cattanzara again. But, thanks to Mr. Cattanzara, positive rumors about George are spread throughout the neighborhood. This helps George change and realize that he his behavior was(gr.) wrong.

In conclusion, George's character in the story made me understand that words are not worth much unless you perform acts to prove them. Until a person stops talking about his plans and starts working to make them reality(gr. - real), he will not be respected by his sorroundings and he will not feel any satisfaction.

Very good work.

(93)

Daphna

Darkly Dreaming Dexter

If you are a passionate lover of thriller books, then Darkly dreaming Dexter is the ultimate book for you. Darkly Dreaming Dexter is a 2004 crime thriller, written by Jeff Lindsay. As owkward as it may sound, Jeff Lindsay shows us the dark side of Dexter Morgan, the protagonist, in a positive light.

Dexter Morgan is a forensic blood spatter pattern analyst at the Miami metro police department. Dexter has a leisure hobby, when the moon is out; he hunts murderers, who have overlooked the law, without being punished, and kills them in cold blood.

Dexter's murders are impeccably performed, with no evidence left. Whenever he is not trying to capture his "corpes", he pretends to be a normal person and behaves appropriately. From the outside he looks lovable - he is friendly, helpfull, he has a girlfriend and a honorable job, but from the inside he is an emotionless person.


In conclusion, I strongly recommend you read this splendid story book. the author's unique style of writing and the book's thrilling plot will surely make your reading experience an enjoyable one, just like mine!

Very good work!
(96)
Daphna

"Who Ate My Cheese?"

"To eat or not to eat, this is the question!" In the most recent decades we have all come to confront the most difficult problem – resisting the temptation of food. The problem has brought us to a reality where millions of people are victims of obesity. To my mind, people are not the only ones to be blamed for eating unhealthy food.

Nowadays it is more than easy to find fast food restaurants everywhere. Health-hazard places are located in every street and every corner. That might challenge the passersby and put them to a test, which most of them fail.

Manufacturers who produce unhealthy food do not feed us themselves; however they certainly do not alleviate the choice for us. Commercials and advertisements deceive the public's eye by occulting the ingredients and the health cons, thus making people believe that the food is highly nutritous.

In conclusion, I believe that each person is responsible enough to know how to avoid the hazardous junk-food. Before entering the "McDonald's" halt, remember how it could affect the soundness of your body. Go out and pay attention to that healthy restaurant waiting for you across the street. Choose the right path to your life

Excellent work.

100

Daphna

Daphna.

11 Pichman St.

Holon

August 22, 09

The Editor
Yediot ahronot" 23 haovdim St.
Tel-Aviv, Israel

Concerning the article "Father gets probation for biting his newborn son" I would like to state my opinion about the phenomenon of abusive parents.

Reading the report published in your newspaper, I was overwhelmed to discover that a parent could assault his six-week-old son so brutally. It is the duty of each and every parent to protect his child and assimilate him morals and values. Much to our disappointment, some of the parents choose to neglect this essential role and harm their own children.

In additional to that, I strongly disapprove the slight verdict given to the defendant. The Defense attorney claimed that the accused was experiencing mental distress, and was undergoing treatment. I truly believe the attorney's utterances are complete rubbish! If there is any suspicion that a father is not mentally eligible, then he should not take upon himself such a heavy responsibility as being a parent.

In conclusion, I hope that in the forth-coming future we will gain the opportunity to read that the child is in good hands and that the father runs(ww.) the penalty that he deserves.

Sincerely yours,

Tracy Strauss

A bit too short but quite good.

85

Daphna

"LICENCE TO PARENTHOOD"

"Hello, and welcome to channel 2 news edition. I'm Yonit Levi. And tonight's breaking news is: another mother was summoned to an investigation on suspicion for abusing her toddler…" Unfortunately the recent news editions in Israel have mostly been devoted to this sort of affairs. More and more parents lose their parental senses and let their responsibility flee from their minds.

A while ago the horrifying affair of the "starving mother" was revealed, in which a religious single mother from Jerusalem was suspected for starving her three year old child and maltreating him. The reasons for this misbehavior were not perfectly evident and the mother denied it from the beginning. Although, what possible reason could cover up a mother's ill-treatment towards her own child?!

Another case that was reported was that of a father who was accused for(ww. - of) biting his one-year old toddler. Terrifying as it might seem, the TA district has cast him a rather slight verdict – one year probation.

In conclusion, I deprecate these terribly irresponsible parents. They are supposed to nurture their children and guide them at every given moment and teach them how to survive in the world. Abusive parents brazenly violate their children's basic right to live. Such people do not deserve to be granted the license to parenthood. I believe that the Israeli court of law must exacerbate its management against abusive parents in order to avoid similar cases in the future. May all these children find peace in their homes

Very good work

(100)

Daphna.

Deportation of the foreign workers' kids

In the last several years it has become a tendency to foreign people from underdeveloped countries to come to Israel for the sake of work. This phenomenal(ww.) is controversial due to a contradiction between the feelings and the logic.

When the foreign workers come to Israel they own an official license, which is valid for a limited period of time. During their stay in Israel, they shape their lives, start families and bear children. As time goes by their license expires, but most of them decide to stay in Israel and live a life of fear and refuge, thus jeopardizing their children's lives.

The past two years have been the hardest for those miserable foreign workers' kids. After going through ceaseless humiliations from the Israeli society, they have to be expelled from their native country to a foreign country which they are scarcely familiar with. They(ww. - This) may create an unpleasant childhood memory for them.

On the whole, I have mercy(ww.) on those miserable children, since it's their parents' fault for the current situation. Their parents chose to neglect the law, thus putting their children in (the) middle of this mess. Despite this, it's more than obvious that a country will inforce its rules and order to avoid anarchism. To my mind, those kids should at least be permited to finish the kindergarden or a school year and get departure grant(not clear what you mean).

http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3774680,00.html

Good work.

(90)

Daphna

The happy McCall family!

"Burge McCall hated his wife": You don't have to be (a) genius to understand that the relationship was not a good one. Burge McCall was a bad looking man. He was stingy, disgusting and a bad husband, he always teased his wife and he certainly did not respect her. Mrs. McCall wasn't a very companionable woman for she didn't speak much. She was mysterious and cunning. none of the townspeople has(gr.) ever understood why they(מיותר) two got married. Some said Mrs. McCall only wanted to get away from her noisy hometown.

"Burge McCall could never understand his wife": He didn't really know her. The two never expressed sympathy to each other. Mr. McCall was always looking for fights and arguments with Mrs. McCall. But she never answered back, and that made him even angrier. Every time he called her names, she only looked at him with her strange, scary look, unlike his previous wives.

"Burge McCall, you are a big rat!": This is what his wife told him after he had slapped her one day. She promised him that he would regret this. When he went to the drug store, the druggist, Sled Sather, told him that his wife had visited him that morning and bought one pound of rat poison. Burge began thinking that maybe he was the one she wanted to poison since he knew for sure that they had no rats in their house and remembered that his wife called him "a big rat".

Since then, Burge neither ate nor drank at home. He was constantly sober with absolute control of himself. This relieved Mrs. McCall from working too hard. But most importantly ,Burge was no longer mean to his wife and he stopped teasing her. He was suddenly kind and loving; he took her out to the movies and picnics. He became the perfect husband for her only out of fear. And Mrs. McCall got what she wanted, thanks to her smart steps.

"Burge McCall" is a funny and light story. The man thinks that his wife is his little entertainment doll, and she revenges(ww.) him for that. But in real life this story can happen, and it may not end only at the step of(phr.) buying the poison, but using it as well. I think this is a very smart story that shows us that sometimes we are blind when we most need to see. We should think twice before we say or do something to someone, especially to our beloved ones, because it's out of our ability to predict what might be the influent(sp.) of such behavior.

It's very well written, but you should have consentrated more on your opinion than on telling the whole story.

(90)

Daphna.

homework?!

An 11 year old boy from NY named Ben Barrafato claims that children shouldn't get homework, it is not necessary and it can be done at school, which means school stays at school.

I disagree with Ben; I think homework should be given, but not as an obligation. Although it is a way to educate pupils to discipline, sometimes it puts a lot of pressure on the pupils and it even oppresses them. They do it only because they have to, without thinking, so the work is not worth it. If it wasn't so heavily restricted, the pupil would be able to concentrate better and fulfill his assignment to school in a better way.

Despite the unwelcomed nature of homework, sometimes it is good to allow the pupil (to) cope with the material himself, not only through the teacher's explanation, so he can understand better the material. This is why I think the pupil should have time during the lesson to work by himself immediately after the teacher has completed her explanation.
.
Besides, I think it depends on the subject as well, scientific subjects like math and physics have to be exercised a lot, unlike other subjects such as history (or) literature, etc.(מיותר) that shouldn't be exercised at home, the pupil can only read the material a few times a week at home and understand it well. I also think that a few projects once in a while wouldn't be bad, instead of homework all the time.

In conclusion, homework can carry out something well but in moderation. When it crosses the line it can be really irritating. Therefore, I think that homework should be given minimally without pressure. At the end of the day the one who cares and wishes to develop through homework will succeed and the one who neglects the importance of homework will probably understand his mistakes and learn a lesson.

Very well put, Hila. Great work! But where is your next assignment, that was due on the 13th???
(100)
Daphna.

space exploration

People tend to say that the sky is the limit when they crave for something very much. But for some others the sky is no longer an obstacle. Nowadays. many space explorations are being done(phr.) and spacecrafts are sent to space very frequently.But, the question is: are we improving our lives or worsening it by putting a lot of efforts into these space explorations?

There are many advantages of space exploration. People always yearned(ww.) to discover what is on the "other side" of the planet. A new species of creature(s), new possibilities and even a(מיותר) new life (forms) in the universe. Thanks to the(מיותר) space explorations people always learn more and more about space and its connection with earth. The technology level is increasing(phr. - "thanks to advanced technology..."), explorers use space to improve the quality of life on earth. By(ww.) satellites we can watch TV, use mobile phones and radios. We can get in contact with other countries, see them thousands of kilometers away. Also, we are able to forecast the weather around the world.

however, space exploration can be Dengerous(sp.) as well. There is a possible loss of life of astronauts that risk their lives on(ww.) space, also by the possibility of infection from alien viruses and bacteria that come from travels(ww.) in space, which could cause an irreversible damage to the(מיותר) humanity.(This sentence is too long and messay. Please rephrase it). Another disadvantage is the high costs of space exploration, which could be used to help other needs on earth or sponsor other important experiments, such as discovery of diseases factors, of medications, etc. money that is spent on space exploration instead.(The organization of this sentence is wrong. I don't understand where this last part: "money that is spent...", belongs.)

In conclusion, space may be very interesting and important to explore, and I believe people would never stop exploring it and it's good. But I also think that it should not be the main subject for explorers, (Start a new sentence here).I mean, people managed to live without it for millions of years, then not having all the answers and the knowledge today is not so bad.

(78)

Daphna.

peer pressure

I remember the age when all my class was divided into two groups: the popular, and the the unpopular. Everybody wanted to be popular, no matter what it took. That is to say, that if the popular guys wanted someone to do something bad for them, he would, In order to fit in, to make them satisfied. But that is just a little piece of this huge problem called peer pressure.

In my life, this period of time is over, but many children and teenagers still deal with it a lot of times(מיותר), and the worst is that they consider it everything!(phr.) I mean(מיותר) this is all they think about, when they go to school, when they go out; they always have to look cool. I'm not saying it’s bad (to) want to look good, but when it comes to smoking, using drugs, stealing, drinking alcohol and many other things like that – it is bad! And most of the time it is caused by peer pressure.

I think that if every kid acts just like his friends in order to feel special, there would be no uniqueness. In the end, they will all look the same,and do the same things. I also think that the real feeling of success comes when you listen to yourself only! No doubts, no dilemmas, doing the right thing for you and not for anybody else.

But in the end, every one grows up and understands his\her mistakes and probably has some regrets about a few, but there is one thing I am sure about, no one will ever regret being himself

Well done (90). This is much better

Daphna

A letter of advice to Janet

Date:?
.
Dear Janet!

Hi, my name is Hila and I'm 16 years old. Last week I heard you on the radio show, in which you were telling the listeners about your problem in school.
I'm writing this letter since I would like to give you my opinion about it! - you have to state in short what the problem is.

Well, it might sound a bit insulting of me but I really think that your(sp. - you are) paying too much attention to your popularity in school. On the one hand, it's true that it isn't very nice to go everyday to a place where no one likes you, but on the other hand, the important thing is your feeling(s), (Start a new sentence here)I mean, don't let a few kids get you in stress(phr.) or use you and make you feel bad in return for being your friends – these aren’t friends!
.
If your friends make you lie for them and risk yourself and your grades for them, then I think that they don't deserve to be your friends. Besides, you don't have to be so concerned about what happens if you don't let them copy, in the end, they won’t make "a big deal" of it. They might just be a bit upset and it will pass.
In fact, I don't even think you should see things the way you do, if they don't want to be your friends…it's their problem! And they will come back "on feet"(phr. - this is a direct translation from Hebrew, and it doesn't work in English) when they will need(gr. - no "will" after "when") something.

In conclusion, I hope my advice will help you see things clearer, but don't forget one thing for life: trust yourself Janet and no more(ww. - no other)! You can find friends everywhere you go, but your truth…this is only yours.

Where is the greeting and the signature at the end?

Hila, this is a good letter of advice. Nevertheless, you need to correct somemostakes and rephrse some of your sentences. Pay attention to my remarks. (87)
Daphna.